Dieting Under Stress

Dieting Under Stress

While not recommended for those trying to lose weight, this is the most hysterically funny DIET that I ever read. If you have asthma, keep your inhaler handy as it may bring on an attack from the laughter!

Humor is great for helping us heal. This WILL make you laugh if you ever tried to diet!

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day!

Breakfast½ Grapefruit1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, dry8 oz Skim Milk Lunch4 oz Lean Boiled Chicken Breast1 Cup Steamed Spinach1 Cup Herb Tea1 Oreo Cookie
Midafternoon SnackRest of Oreos in the Package2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream1 Jar Hot Fudge SauceNuts, Cherries, Whipped Cream Dinner2 Loaves Garlic Bread w/CheeseLg. Sausage/Mushroom/Cheese Pizza4 Cans (1 Lg Pitcher) Beer3 Milky Way Candy Bars

Late Evening Snack

Entire Frozen Cheesecake Eaten Directly from Freezer

RULES FOR THIS DIET

  1. If you eat something and no one else sees, you can eat it, it has no calories.
  2. If you drink a diet soda with candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
  3. When you eat with someone else, caleries don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
  4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts; such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee.
  5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
  6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the total entertainment package, such as Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, and Junior Mints.
  7. Cookie pieces contain no calories.  The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
  8. Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.  Example: peanut butter on a knife if making a sandwich, or ice cream on a spoon if making a sundae.

Author wishes to remain Unknown.

About the Author

LtCol Eugene B Richardson, USA (Retired) BA, MDiv, EdM, MS

Col Richardson has suffered with severe neuropathy for over 45 years. A 27 year military veteran and veteran of the Vietnam War, he was diagnosed with a progressive chronic peripheral neuropathy resulting in severe disability. This diagnosis has been confirmed as due to exposure to Agent Orange. It was not until 2010, 42 years after his exposure to Agent Orange, that his diagnosis was recognized by Veterans Affairs as service connected.

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